Here is my blog from me to you. I hope someone finds it interesting or helpful, entertaining in the least. I am writing this blog to help myself really, there are so many thoughts running throughout my brain or anyones brain, that I believe if I say them outloud I might be able to discover some type of order or consistancy, some type of help from within. Everyone suffers in their own way and internal conflict with oneself is a huge weight living in the shoulders. I am here to try to lighten this weight on my shoulders and try to love life, love living, love myself. Too many times I have seen myself and others love someone else before they love themselves and all it does it end up in despair and pain. I have personally gotten hurt from this many times before so hopefully, with this blog, anyone who stumbles apon it will relate and leave helpfull comments or advice. Please dont leave any shallow words and please dont judge me because I am anything but perfect. I am very flawed and I do many things that 'society' and myself have deemed inapropriate and unforgivable but yet I still have not changed these 'habits' if you will yet becasue as corny as this sounds, I dont think I have the inner strength to completley change something about myself without filling the void with something else.

I view myself and others as a pie chart, everyone has things about themselves that they are not proud of, but if you were to take out that peice of pie that is full of the bad things that you do, then all you have left there is an empty void. I dont believe you can change yourself as a whole if a peice of your pie has been taken away, replaced with nothing but panic and confusion. Routine is something that most people rely on for comfort and once someone is taken out of their personal comfort zones, anxiety sets in, which I believe is up there with the top terrible feelings a human can experience, next to heartbreak, great loss, and true anger. True anger is the type of anger that fills your whole body all the way to your fingernails with pure hatred that you lose sense of yourself, lose control of your actions, of who you are and your initial feelings to begin with. True anger is a tricky emotion and doesnt surface very often in most people, and I do feel very sorry for the people that deal with that amount of hate on a daily basis because being riddled with a terrifying emotion such as that can be disabilitaing in the least.

Please excuse my spelling, punctuation and grammer errors, I feel that since highschool english period had ended, my basic english skills have diminished rapidly. I hope I find peace with in my self with this blog, I am here to document any progress or "aha!" moments on here and share them with you, hoping you can relate. I need to help myself and hopefully in the process, help others, so go ahead, read, enjoy, agree or disagree but please keep any hate filled notions to yourself becuase in this quest as I will call it, I absolutely must cut out all poisenous people in order to grow. I will introduce myself in time, but for now This is the "PILOT" of my blog, to give you an idea of what it is about. Hopefully you enjoy.