So, I watched 'Julie and Julia' last night and during this movie, Julie (the main character) had started a blog to document her way through Julia's cookbook. It made me realize that I have started this blog really for nothing. There is not much to this blog but my thought and emotions which has also made me realize that I probably wont get alot (if any) readers. I will give this blog one month. If no one has read this blog by then, then i will give it up! but for now. its going to remian my little online diary. A sanctuary for my thoughts.

Well I said yesterday that I was going to introduce myself so I will... sortof. My name is off limits, as is the current town that I live in. That information is too personal and since I will be sharing many aspects of my life with you I must remain smart about it and be somewhat anonymous. This is what I will share however. I love in British Columbia Canada. I am a canadian and very proud of it. I am 21 years old. which I know to anyone who is over the age of 21 years old thinks that I know absolutely nothing about life, which I will not argue, even though I think I know a few things, I also know that in many ways I am very naive. I live in a small town. Very small, yet very beautiful. I have a cat. He is my best friend and I say this because he is the only living being that I allow to get close to me and hasnt hurt me. People really suck in that way. Im sure as everyone can relate, as soon as you open your doors and let someone in and get really close you allow yourself to get hurt. I am a girl if you couldn't tell already. and I do alot of things that are very controversal or Illegal. I drink, I experament with drugs, I steal, I cheat, I rarely finish things. I have eating disorders, I am harmful to myself and through thast I believe I am harmful to others. I know I need to reach out for proffessional help very soon but honestly, I dont plan on doing it until I am financially stable enough to take an entire month or so off of work to help fix myself. I am very self aware however, if i believe that im causing too much harm to myself to a point of no return I will reach out and seek help before it is too late (I think)

I grew up probably the same as most people did. We were very poor growing up. both my parents are drug addicts in their own way, My mother, with oxycontin pills and my father with his habitual weed smoking. I as an adult can now see why they want to be like that, why escaping from this world is easier than facing it dead on. I myself have seen some of these tendancies in me.

well thats enough about me today. Today as shallow as it sounds, have started my 2 week get model perfect routine and hopefully I can stick to it for the full 2 weeks. This includes, eating very healthy and very few calories, going to the gym every day that I possibly can, taking laxatives, getting a tan, and at the end of the 2 weeks, I will wax, pluck, buff, polish, smooth, wash, condition, gets loads of sleep and rest and then study myself in the mirror and hopefully enjoy what I see back. Today I have already ate breakfast which consisted of one slice of dry multi grain toast, and some fresh pineapple. I hope I succeed with this challenge